Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Yesterday, Canaan was watching a show about a farm. All was well until I heard an unearthly shriek from his room. My first thought was that somebody had flipped the switch that controls the television, so I went to fix it. The television was still on, however, and Canaan was gesturing toward it agitatedly. On the screen was a pig sitting in a pen, covered in mud. He started yelling "Mommy! Mommy! You need to CLEAN THIS PIGGY! He is covered in POOP! OH NO!" He was really upset and I was having SUCH a hard time not laughing about it! He calmed down once I explained it was dirt, but now every time he sees the pig he comes to me to confirm "Piggy is just dirty? Not poopy?"
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Me: "A cow says moo"
Ezra: "MOOOO! They say MOOOOO! MOOOOOO!"
Me: "A sheep says-"
Ezra: "Cows say MOOOOOOO!"
Me: "Right. 3 singing pigs say..."
Ezra:*turns page* "No, no, nonononono"
Me: "The pigs say oink"
Ezra: "MOINK! Piggies! MOOOOOOOINK!"
Ezra: "MOINK!" *runs away*
This is why story time is NOT a before-bed activity at my house. Not calming at all.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Last week, I bought everyone fast food for lunch. I got a soda-a Diet Coke. It was late in the afternoon-no soda for the kids. Canaan disagreed with the ruling though and started looking for a way to circumvent it. Finally, he saw an opening when our friends decided to visit. He waited until I was good and distracted, and entered....Stealth Mode. For a 3-year-old that communicates mainly at ear-shattering decibels, Stealth Mode doesn't come easily. Apparently it worked though, because mid-conversation I glanced down to find him laying on the floor at my feet, calmly sucking soda out of the cup. Did he look guilty, you ask? No, he screeched with rage when the soda was removed and placed on a shelf. He better have a future in the CIA.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
He has mentioned the cat's claws more than once; when asked if he wanted Flower (the cat) to sleep in his bed, he said "no, because Kitty's toes are too sharp sometimes". Reasonable enough. Cats are infamous for turning from balls of snuggly fluff into prickly little scratch-machines, this is true. My most vividly remembered moment is this: Canaan is playing too roughly with the kitty. She carefully unsheathes ONE claw and lightly pokes him in the arm (a sort of kitty "hey, stop it!" sign). Canaan looks up at me and goes "Mommy, kitty has teeth in its FEET!!" Then, in a more speculative tone, "Mommy, kitty's head is in its toes??". Of course, that matter has since been resolved, but he still refers to the cat's claws as "teeth in its feet".
Thursday, July 29, 2010
This week, he has finally gotten over trying to carry her, and now just likes to sit with her on the couch. Today though, he tried to sit on her. I'm still not very clear on why.
Ezra also loves her very much, and every time he sees her he bounces excitedly and yells "Kit-TAAAAAYYYY!" Then he goes up to her, touches her nose with his nose, and tries to poke her in the eye. Without fail. Luckily, she's quite agile and his hand-eye coordination isn't great. At least he's realized that he can't eat her-he stuck her tail in his mouth yesterday, looked at me and said "Yuck". Yuck, indeed.
Canaan is lecturing Ezra on why he shouldn't stand in the highchair: "No, no Brother, you sit on you BOTTOM! You stand, you fall on you head! Then you cry, you yell, you fuss, you whine-you be SO SAD! It will make you sad if you fall on you head. You sit and do clapping." Brother is not impressed. The fact that Canaan finds pretty much everything worth "crying, yelling, fussing and whining" over may have something to do with it.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
While visiting the cows, one pooped on the floor as cows often do.Canaan looked shocked and immediately said "Oh no cow!! You had an accident! You should poop in the potty, not on the floor!"
The entire ride home was spent talking about the cow's "accident". He remains unconvinced that cows don't use a toilet, especially since he saw a toilet in the barn and used it himself. He kept reiterating that "pooping on the floor is NOT a good idea! Always poop in the POTTY!"
Saturday, July 17, 2010
It takes away all of your big problems
You got worries you can drop them in the blue ocean
But you gotta get away to where the boat leaves from
Get away, to where the boat leaves from
It takes away all of your big problems
The brothers can jump into the blue ocean
But you gotta get away to where the boat leaves from*
I am not sure if he thinks Ezra would enjoy jumping into the ocean or not, but Canaan certainly thinks it's a good idea. Some days more so than others.
*All lyrics not in bold courtesy of The Zac Brown Band
Today, he proved that he is devious beyond my suspicions. I was cleaning up the living room when I thought I heard running water. As the only adult home, I knew without a doubt that water should not be running. I proceeded to the kitchen, and there sat Ezra in front of the open refrigerator. He had discovered the container of Gatorade with a dispenser spout on it and promptly flipped the stopper open. A river of green was coursing towards my cardboard recycling and my back door (did I ever mention that my apartment floors are slightly slanted?). I snatched up the baby and staunched the nuclear-colored hemorrhage. Damage averted...for now. Ezra the Fierce Beast, King of Destruction, will strike again soon.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
It was a day like every other day. The children were sleeping, and I was sitting on the couch folding laundry. Suddenly, I heard a noise. It was a cross between a squeak and a squawk, but it was not a noise of distress. In fact, it sounded like the noise of a baby, happily playing in his crib after his nap. So, I didn't panic and resumed folding my laundry.
A few minutes later, the noise turned from a squawk to a SCREEEEEEEEECH-this noise was unmistakable. A small person was ANGRY. So I sighed, left the laundry to watch television without me, and went to remove His Angriness from the Cage of Cruel and Unnecessary Confinement (better known as a "crib").
When I opened the door, my nostrils were immediately assailed with the kind of smell usually associated with the streets of medieval England in the midst of summer. An unmistakable smell. The smell...of POOP. I still didn't panic--I am a veteran of the poopy diaper. I thought to myself "The room is small. The window is closed. Perhaps it is just a result of the non-circulating air". This, my friends, was wishful thinking at its finest.
I opened the curtain and beheld a horror like no other. Graffiti covered my child, his crib, the wall, the floor, and everything in the crib. Graffiti-made of poop. LOTS of poop. Despite (or maybe because of) his poopy-ness, the small screeching Picasso smiled brightly when he saw me. I removed the child, placed him in the (waterless) tub, held my breath and threw everything in the crib into the washer (except the musical giraffe, which I had the pleasure of hand-washing).
That was last week. The crib, stuffed animals and baby were all restored to their former, feces-free state. However, I still shudder a bit with trepidation when going to get him out of the crib; I never know what I'll find.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Canaan: "Brother's playing in the WATER!!"
Me: "What water? Where? Why is brother playing in water in the house?"
Canaan: "Brother found water in the bathroom! I help him open the water!"
Canaan "See brother, Mommy? Brother!!"
Entering the bathroom, I view Ezra....happily splashing in the toilet.
Canaan: "See? I help brother! I so kind!"
Yes, my kid played in the toilet. Thank goodness I had cleaned it the day before. Now I can't keep him out of the bathroom.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Abrupt switch-"The horn on the bus goes toot toot toot!" Apparently, there is no noise acceptable for bunnies to make.
After the horn, he moved on to moose-"The moose on the bus go moose moose moose!" I guess moose noises are hard to pin down too.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Finally, convinced my head would explode if I heard the phrase even one more time, I handed Big a pencil, and told him to draw a picture of Thomas on the box. He did that, but then decided to use the pencil to better ends, and tried to stab enough holes in the box to break Thomas out. It didn't work, but I admired his initiative!
*Photo of Thomas the Tank Engine courtesy of Amazon.com
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The other day, we went to the grocery store. As soon as we got there, Canaan says "Mommy, I want to buy a goat!"
Me: "Um....they don't sell goats here, buddy".
Canaan: "Are NO GOATS at the grocery store?"
Me: "No. Definitely no goats."
Canaan: "And no tractors?"
Me: "Nope, no tractors either."
Canaan: "So I can buy a pony??"
He also just told me that he couldn't sit on the potty because there was a chicken in it.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
My dad and sister were gone for a week, so I took the kids to stay with my mom from Sunday until this Thursday. While there, they managed to wreak colossal havoc. My parent's house is basically a small child's dream-they have a big yard, lots of toys, and a menagerie-four cats, four dogs, five horses and chickens. There have also been goats, pigs and turkeys at various other times. Canaan thinks he's died and gone to heaven every time we go there. They both love animals.
Friday, April 2, 2010
It begins thusly: while the children are eating dinner, I remove all of the toys from the tub, scrub it and fill it. I have approximately 30 seconds to accomplish this before Canaan comes racing in saying "Tub? Tub? I can have tub? Now? Now? NOW???" He continues in this vein for approximately 10 minutes or until I banish him.
After it is full, I get the baby and place him in the tub. As soon as he glimpses the water, he begins waving his arms furiously in preparation for all of the splashing he wants to accomplish. Once they are both in the tub, I have a few minutes of peace before Canaan decides to become creative.
Tonight, he decided to clean. He took a Hello Kitty toothbrush and carefully scrubbed, in this order, the tub, his brother, the spout cover and lastly his own teeth. He then attempted to brush my teeth but I dodged. Then he tried to "swarsh (wash) the Mommy" but I dodged that too (becoming a mother is wonderful for honing the reflexes!) So, bottom line-my kids are clean, and so is my floor. Unintentional multitasking is still multitasking!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
One of the most amusing (and occasionally sobering) things about having a toddler is constantly having your own actions reflected back at you. Canaan models his words, actions and tone of voice on the things that I do. It's most noticeable when he repeats me verbatim, or when he says something cringe-worthy that he learned from me. It is nice to see that he is learning from me how to be empathetic though, and he also watches out for baby Ezra very nicely. Yesterday:
Setting: Canaan's room.
Ezra is crawling into the corner.
Canaan: "No, no buddy! Get out of there, buddy! You don't want to play in there! (exasperatedly) "Come OUT OF THERE, baby Ezra! OUT OF THERE!"
He sounded just like me.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
So yesterday, Big and I were playing a game that involved balancing a small truck on my head. Since it had wheels, it kept rolling off. After about ten minutes, he placed it back on my head and said "I go get the glue!!"
I had to spend the next fifteen minutes explaining why I did NOT want a truck glued to my head, even though it was a "so boo-ful (beautiful) truck".
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Now, to most people (parents or not) this seems an obvious truth. However, until you are confronted with the day-to-day reality of juggling the wants and needs of more than one child, you will only know it intellectually.
My two children are so different I’m pretty sure that it’s cosmic comeuppance for the relative ease with which my first child passed through babyhood. No, my second son is not a difficult baby. However, aside from the fact that my children are both male, they have nothing else in common except DNA. They don’t even look alike.
Canaan, my older child (known around here as “His Highness”) breastfed voraciously from the moment he was born. He turned up his nose at every type of bottle with expressed milk in it-consequently he went everywhere with me until he ate enough solid food for me to be gone for more than fifteen minutes.
His brother is a bottle baby and drinks everything from formula to apple juice with equal enjoyment-he is also a devotee of the pacifier.
Until he was over a year old, Canaan would not go to sleep without a ritualistic combination of patting, rocking, singing and not one but TWO fans providing a wall of white noise. If a person happened to sneeze in the same room, he would bounce awake.
Ezra is placed in a crib with a pacifier and drifts off without so much as a peep.
Ezra has even managed to defeat my “no disposable diapers EVER” gospel by peeing so copiously that no cloth diaper can possibly be used for more than 45 minutes.
So, there you have it-no two children are alike. That’s probably why childcare books continue to be published and will on into infinity. However, as challenging as two can be, the constant chaos is a thoroughly enjoyable experience.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Setting: Price Chopper grocery aisle.
Players: Mommy, super-loaded grocery cart, fat baby, toddler.
Canaan is barreling along when...
(Picture a small child stopping so fast that his shoes almost come off).
"Mommy, that is a MONSTER TRUCK. I want that MONSTER TRUCK. I NEED THAT MONSTER TRUCK. I get it!"
(This was not a tantrum; he was so fascinated with it that he crouched down and rested his nose gently on the molded plastic frame).
We are now the proud owners of one overpriced Monster Jam monster truck. It is SUPER NEAT!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Herein lies the problem: he is oblivious to the fact that Squishy is totally incapable of following directions-I often here "Brother, get out of there! No, don't TOUCH the tower!" Most exclamations are made as Squishy ("Brurr" to Big) is gleefully embedded within a pile of toys. I'm thinking of putting on a low-budget Godzilla remake. The cast will look like this:
Godzilla: 25-lb. 8-month-old.
Fleeing people, police officers, heroes, etc: Angry toddler.
Peter Jackson, look out.