IF I ever have another baby

here are the names I'm (yes, already) considering.

Girls:
Lailie (born into light)
Naomi (pleasant)
Salome (peace)
Aditi (free and unbounded)
Devi (deh-vee) (the beloved, adored one)

Boys:
Levi (united)
Malachai (messenger of god)
Adlai (my witness)

Summertime...

Well, the weather here isn't very summery, but we've been out enjoying what sunshine we're getting. I took some great pictures of Canaan amongst the daisies today!

Trying to operate a sprayer attachment-tough stuff!!

"I'se pickin' da fa-yers!!"

Daisies do NOT need their tops.

What, mama?

Cuteness!

Some photos of Big and El Squisho:

The tractor man himself

Are we seeing a theme here??

No, he doesn't do as much as Big, but he gazes beautifully!

I love those gummy smiles!

Channeling Zoolander...

The new version of "Goodnight Moon"

"Goodnight towel! Goodnight dinosaurs! Goodnight fan! Goodnight sandal!....oh....Goodnight brother!"

Fruit and veggies

Canaan (decidedly): "I'se NOT a grape!"
Me: "No, you're not a grape..."
Canaan "I'se an ONION!!"
Me: "..."

"pease?"

Canaan's newest and most-oft used phrase is "I WANT dis!" Occasional variation-"I WANT dat!" It is used to refer to all things that are "not for BAY-bies!" When the inevitable "you may not have that" ensues, it is followed by a fluttering of incredibly long lashes and a "Peeeeeease??" "Pease" is the magic password that is supposed to give even the most recalcitrant mommy the desire to open her heart and hand the poor, unloved toddler the...steak knife, seltzer bottle, dinner fork, cell phone or (this morning) the eyeshadow. With which he painted the floor before coming to me with the (now stuck shut) eyeshadow and saying "I need HALP!" When HALP was not forthcoming (in fact, the horrible ogre formerly known as "Mommy" actually proceeded to take the eyeshadow away and place it on an inaccessible shelf) a meltdown of incredible strength and fury ensued. It lasted...3 seconds, approximately. It went like this: Seconds 1 and 2-"IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Second 3 "Oooh, look at the pony!" Crisis over. At least for now.

...

The longer I think about it, the more upset I am that Ezra won't be an EBF baby. It seems that this is just one more thing in a long list that I gave Canaan but cannot give to his brother. Ever since Ezra's birth, when he was denied the chance to be laid naked and new on my chest, I have felt that somehow, I am failing him. When I let the nurse wheel him into the hall and tend to him so that I could sleep, I felt like I was giving him up. All of those diapers that I couldn't change because I couldn't even lean forward...all of the times I was too weak to hold him. I didn't even look into his eyes until he was almost 3 hours old.
I love both of my sons, but every time I place a bottle nipple into his mouth, I feel such a distance...one that I never felt with Canaan.
Last night, for the first time, I felt truly bonded with Ezra. We sat up in the night and I felt such a rush of love for my tiny second-born that I never wanted to let him go. It let me know that there is always something...you will love each child more than the others, in different ways.

another hill to climb...

Last week I got a call from Ezra's pediatrician: his newborn screen came back with an abnormal genetic result. They think he might be a carrier of Cystic Fibrosis. We have to get a sweat test done and meet with a geneticist. I love my baby but goodness he's caused a lot of worry in his two weeks of life!
It's hard to believe he's only two weeks old-it seems as though he's been my baby forever, just like his brother. While I can remember my life before kids, I don't generally long for it-although the amount of sleep I got was wonderful.

Victory dance

He's no longer yellow! Ezra came home with jaundice and it had been steadily worsening-hard for me because my first was so healthy. When they told me the Percocet I was taking for my c-section pain could be exacerbating his jaundice woes, I wanted to kick myself-poor baby! They did his fifth and final bilirubin stick today though and said he's getting better, so I can breath easy now.