Flowery English

Canaan has always been very theatrical, tending toward the melodramatic. His tantruming screeches often reach operatic decibels and every injury is a tragedy. Lately he has been lending his flair for the dramatic to his apologies. Like many kids, he has a nightlight in his room. However, his is not due to a fear of the dark-he just likes it because it's shaped like a train. The downside to a nightlight is that he can see to get out of bed and play when he's supposed to be sleeping. The rule is that if he gets out of bed, the nightlight goes away until he falls asleep-if he can't see to play, he stays in bed. He does get one chance to earn it back and go to sleep with it on-two violations and it's gone for the night. Last night he got the nightlight taken away and after a few minutes of enraged screeches he quieted back down. When I went into his room to check on him, he said "Mommy, I am so terribly, terribly sorry! May I please have my nightlight back now?" I laughed but did give him back the light!

Brother, DO NOT CURSE!

Ezra has decided that the cupboard on our computer desk is his own personal garage. He parks cars and stuffed toys in there and occasionally the cat if she's foolish enough to crawl inside. Well, the other day he wanted to park a large tractor inside. It was too big and he could drive it in as far as the back tires which would get stuck. When this happened, the tractor would roll out. He put up with this for about fifteen minutes but after the final unsuccessful tractor-parking he looked up at me and said "What the hell!". He then proceeded to say it every time the tractor rolled out of the "garage". Well, at least it wasn't the f-word this time.

As for Canaan; he let me know last Sunday that even in the hospital, his dignity is paramount. He had to use a urinal bottle at one point and it was mostly successful but he got a small amount of pee on himself. He found this DEEPLY offensive. The next time I asked him "Canaan, do you have to pee?" he answered "Not in a BOTTLE I do NOT!".

On a Serious Note

I need to pause from my usual entertaining posts to pull out a soapbox due to an emergency our family underwent yesterday. My son Canaan suffered a serious and potentially life-threatening injury to his spinal cord doing something a lot of kids do-jumping on the bed. He climbed up on the back and seriously injured his neck and was rushed to the emergency room. The doctors told us that he managed to escape paralysis mostly due to his age; they said a similar spinal injury to an adult would have most certainly meant paralysis. So if you have a jumper or a climber-reevaluate your surroundings! Especially their bedrooms if they go in there and close the door. I am not trying to fear-monger but I never in a million years thought this would happen to my child.

A budding vegetarian, perhaps?

Canaan has just barely begun to realize that meat=animals. Slippery slope, my friends. The other day, we had the following conversation:

Canaan: "Mommy, I am eating chicken?"
Me: "Yes, that's right".
Canaan: "Chicken is a bird? It looks like a bird..."
Me: "Yes, Canaan, chicken is a bird."
Canaan: "Then I DO NOT want to eat it. It will be SO CROSS with me!!"

Crossness notwithstanding his love of chicken won out in the end. It will be interesting to see how this plays out though.

Sneaky, sneaky Brother!

We've just recently taken the rail off of Ezra's crib and now that he's figured out how to sneak out, nighttime is full of new adventures. Two nights ago my husband heard him playing with Buzz Lightyear (darn those noisy toys-foiling babies like that!) and went to check. 


When Ezra heard him coming he tried to climb back in bed, but he wasn't fast enough. So instead, he decided to just stand VERY still and close his eyes and hope Daddy thought he was asleep! Of course it didn't work, but it sure was funny!

My Kid Swears

Is it wrong that I'm proud he can do it in context??

Yesterday, Ezra was riding on a large bucket tractor. It's not really a ride-on, so he gets stuck sometimes. To make it interesting, he was wearing a pair of rubber boots that belong to his brother-they're much, much too big. One boot got caught on the tractor and he screeched indignantly. My friend disentangled him and as he angrily stomped off we heard him mutter "Fuckin' SHOES!!". Just like Daddy...sigh.

Spring! It's here!!

The snow is finally melting and the boys and I went on a walk today!

Canaan decided to lay down here-wet, he found out.

As always, here comes Brother to help!

He was kicking the snow "just like a racecar!!" Huh?

"Oooh, be so CAREFUL!!" said Ezra.

Alas, sometimes careful just isn't enough.

Smoosh!

Canaan just figured out that there are power lines up above his head.

Still pondering those power lines!

"So SPEEDY!"

Canaan was hiding. From what, I do not know.

Imagination...

Canaan is old enough now to think up scenarios in his head and he enjoys telling me what he imagines. Tonight I was tucking him in and he took his stuffed pony (one of four that accompanies him to bed) and said to me "Monarch is going to work!" "Oh really?" I replied. "And what does Monarch do at work, exactly?" "Oh, he is a cactus" said Canaan nonchalantly. As to how Monarch could be a cactus...well, we never got that far.

S-M-R-T

Lately, Ezra is very into lauding himself; he will tell me that he is "so smart" "so cute" "so speedy" and "so fierce" regularly. Of course, I agree. This morning, he figured out how to wipe his own face with a damp towel, and was so excited he came to me and said "Mommy, ALL CLEAN!! I am so smart-I am as smart as a PIZZA!!". I had no idea pizzas were brainy-learn something new every day!

The Confusion of a Brother

So, Fierce Baby Ezra is too young to really remember snow. Since we are currently in the grip of a blizzard, it's very, very exciting. BUT...it's confusing, too. Today, he climbed up to look out the window and said "Look! Look at all the flour!" He is convinced that the whole world has fallen victim to an over-enthused baker. Canaan knows better though and told him that "It has to snow, so the snowplows can do their work".

Happy post-holidays!

I hope everyone survived the glorious holiday season with their sanity intact (we will forever take a cue from Canaan and call it "Cursemas"). The boys got many, many toys; favorites include their new mini-trampoline from their grandparents and the much-lauded Pillow Pets. Here are some Christmas pictures and a video of a jumping Ezra.

Canaan and the glorious PURPLE PONY!! 

 Ezra stuffing his chipmunk cheeks!

Ezra jumping!!

Snowmobiling Santa?

Today Canaan was watching "Santa Buddies" a special about puppies that save Christmas. It was too long for him to really follow, but he enjoyed watching the dogs in Christmas hats (so did I, let's be honest!). At one point, there was a shot of a dog walking across the frozen Arctic Tundra with Santa, and Canaan said "Their snowmobile must have broke down, Mommy!". Clearly, his father's influence is rubbing off.

Tell Me if You Find It!

Today I found Canaan scrabbling frantically through a basket full of toys. When I asked him what he was looking for, he replied "peace of mind!". I asked him to please let me know if he found it-that's a scarcity around here.

My Children, the Locusts

The downside to taking my children to other people's  houses is that most people without small children don't find it necessary to hide all of their edibles. Either that, or they think I'm exaggerating when I talk about the amount that my boys eat. I wish I were; it would save me a fortune in groceries. However, one child is a toddler whose definition of "food" is very loose, and the other is a 3-year-old Hoover. My children take horrible advantage of food left unattended whenever we go visiting. Today they descended upon the fruit basket at my neighbor's and would have happily swallowed clementines whole had I not stopped them-instead, our talk was punctuated by small voices saying "you OPEN DIS!!" (this is how they ask you to peel a fruit). I was met with great fury when I finally stopped the massacre for fear a child would explode. Not fifteen minutes later, Canaan demanded to go downstairs-"I watch Story Train and you START IN THE KITCHEN, MOMMY! I need dinner!" One would think I never fed them.

His Own Language

Canaan is very articulate but that certainly doesn't mean I have a clue what he's actually talking about. Case in point: Today, I asked him what television show he wanted to watch while I made dinner. His answer? "I want to watch the toilet papers!!" The mysterious toilet papers eluded me, but he settled for Thomas the Tank Engine (aka "Thomas Tanker Nengine). He has also been going into hysterics over something called a "rips"-he'll come up to me and say "That's a RIPS!" and run away laughing uncontrollably. It's been happening for weeks and I've yet to gain any insight into the origin of "rips".

Christmas-isms

Canaan has an issue with the word "Christmas". It's not that he dislikes it, but he can't say it. He calls it "Cursemas". As the primary holiday shopper in the house, I can't disagree! Yesterday, he was describing Cursemas to Ezra; apparently, Cursemas is "a tree and shiny lights, and there is Thomas Tanker Nengine, and a Spongebob! And sometimes, there is a firetruck, and a helicopter, and a trailer for cows". So, in case anyone's looking for a new twist on the Christmas story, there you have it.

A "Gross" Misunderstanding

Yesterday, Canaan was watching a show about a farm. All was well until I heard an unearthly shriek from his room. My first thought was that somebody had flipped the switch that controls the television, so I went to fix it. The television was still on, however, and Canaan was gesturing toward it agitatedly. On the screen was a pig sitting in a pen, covered in mud. He started yelling "Mommy! Mommy! You need to CLEAN THIS PIGGY! He is covered in POOP! OH NO!" He was really upset and I was having SUCH a hard time not laughing about it! He calmed down once I explained it was dirt, but now every time he sees the pig he comes to me to confirm "Piggy is just dirty? Not poopy?"

Reading to Ezra

This is what happens when you read a book to Ezra:

Me: "A cow says moo"
Ezra: "MOOOO! They say MOOOOO! MOOOOOO!"
Me: "A sheep says-"
Ezra: "Cows say MOOOOOOO!"
Me: "Right. 3 singing pigs say..."
Ezra:*turns page* "No, no, nonononono"
Me: "The pigs say oink"
Ezra: "MOINK! Piggies! MOOOOOOOINK!"
Me: "Rhinoceroses..."
Ezra: "MOINK!" *runs away*

This is why story time is NOT a before-bed activity at my house. Not calming at all.

Punny

For his birthday, Canaan received a Bruder Jeep and horse trailer set. It came complete with a brown rubber horse to pull around in the trailer. This morning, I asked Canaan what he wanted to name it, and without hesitation he answered "Charlie". Yes, my child named his new toy "Charlie Horse". I am so proud.

Yes, Really

Earlier today, I heard the lovely sound of toddler laughter emanating from the small squishy one. As any mother can tell you, this is a sound that should be investigated immediately; its source is usually Things Not Allowed. When I tracked down the small one, he wasn't doing anything not allowed...exactly. He was banging his forehead on the wall and laughing hysterically at the subsequent hollow noise (from the wall, not his head). Other kids play with toys to amuse themselves-mine beats his face on a wall. Someday when he does something epically foolish (and he will) I'll know exactly why.